i'm seeing things

Sunday, Nov. 18, 2007 | 6:45 AM

please don't miss my previous entry that i posted just a big ago. but now... i gotta write this or something cuz i'm like freaked out.

so over friday and saturday... i kinda took like... a ton of sedatives. mulptiple doses of codeine, doxylamine succinate, and hydroxyzine. i know. i'm an idiot. we can get into that part later. i kept taking them because they weren't making me sick, and well, i wanted them to keep working. all in all i took maybe... ten pills.

my last one was around 7:30 am on saturday.

i like these pills because they're sedatives, right? they're relaxing, they do stuff with the nervous system and take away anxiety and they're calming and i feel less depressed and just kinda fuzzy and it's all nice and stuff...right? the thing is...they're also hallucinatory.

throughout the latter part of the day, i've had this weird thing going on, where i felt like i was seeing this light coming from behind me, almost as if a spotlight was behind me. it was faint, though, and i thought maybe i was just tired. also, as i have been sitting at my comuter, it seemed like the screen was especially bright, and i kept feeling like i was seeing this shininess coming from the corner of it, as if it were metal with light shining directly on it. again, i thought my eyes were just tired.

around 5:30 am, i took my desyrel that i take to sleep. i didn't think that the pills from earlier were still affecting me, because it was so long ago.

but then i turned out my light and got in bed. and what was waiting to welcome me into my bed? many, many little purple windmills. random, i know. at first it was like, ooooh, wow, pretty purple windmills... all spinning unanimously. then they kinda changed colors... and then it turned into this glow, kinda like a fire. it was as if there was a fire burning behind the blankets. that scared me and i quickly turned on the light by my bed. it went away.

after calming down a bit, i turned the light back off. the glow came back, bigger this time. i got out of bed, turned my light on, and that's when i started typing. since then, i've seen the floor ripple and move around, and also had a bunch of white sparkly things floating around for a while.

my head now is feeling way heavy and dizzy, and i'm finding myself having to squint at the screen to read these words. i have no idea how long this will last or how bad it will get. i'm really hoping i don't start hearing things. that would really FREAK me out. as long as it stays to these little light show types things... i guess i can handle it. but i'm kinda scared...

and i'm an idiot.

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