why is this happening?

Friday, Jan. 29, 2010 | 4:56 AM

i don't know why i am so disappointed. i guess i got myself really excited about something i only assumed would happen. wednesday and thursday were so boring compared to the last four days. i woke up thursday feeling really excited. i guess the higher i get, the harder i fall.

my dad is always really mad at me and it makes me very sad. if my mom does anything for me, then it is my fault, and he gets mad at me. i never knew that stirring pudding was hard. i've never made pudding before.

the things going on with my mom are really bothering me. i guess i've tried to suppress it. mostly because it's hard for me to express it. i've never dealt with anything like this before. she keeps going to the doctor and they keep saying that her heart is not getting better. i want to scream, WHY IS THIS HAPPENING. i'm scared and i'm already filled with regrets.

i've gotten so depressed tonight that i'm feeling sick.

i just want to cry and cry and cry... but it's hard on me. it wears me out and gives me headaches.

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