a terrible classroom experience

Thursday, Jul. 09, 2009 | 6:39 PM

on tuesday the teacher of my math class decided to assign us tables to sit at, so the smart people have to sit with unsmart people, and are forced to help them. she placed me with an older lady who not only needs help, but is very talkative.

it made things very stressful for me as she continued to try to talk to me while i tried to do my work. the forced social interaction made me very nervous, and i had trouble paying attention to my math while being interrupted. distressed by these new arrangements, i wrote a small note on my homework about my social anxiety, before turning it in.

i arrived the next day to find that she had not taken me seriously at all. on my returned homework, she wrote, "oh, don't be anxious! it's just theresa, she's super sweet!"

this time another lady also sat at our table. i had someone right in front of me and facing me, which i hadn't had to deal with before. in my nervousness i felt the need to hide my paper as i did my math, making turning around to see the chalkboard being written on and writing things down on my paper very difficult. then, at the end of class, during our class activity, i was pestered with requests for help. it was stressful and annoying, so finally i just got up and left.

today, i didn't want to go through this stress again, so i went and sat at the empty table. the teacher then not only told me to move back to my assigned table, but she did so across the room so that everyone turned to look at me! i moved, and sat with my head down in my arms.

i began to cry. i couldn't help it. i ended up getting snot all over myself and the table, disabling me from lifting my head. theresa poked at me repeatedly, trying to get my to look up at her. she told me it was rude for me to keep my head down.

i sat with my face hidden in my arms for a long time. i was trapped. if my head was lifted, my giant puddle of snot would be visible. i panicked as i tried to think of what to do.

eventually i freed one arm and quickly wiped my snot covered hand on my pants. i reached into my backpack and pulled out my little packet of antibacterial wipes. i pulled out a wipe and got my hand back under my face to wipe the table off, and then reached my hand back down to quickly deposit the slime covered wipe into my backpack.

i then pulled out my folder. i was planning on sitting it upright to block my face so i could lift it, but in the processes all of my papers awkwardly fell out of it and spread all over the table. at that point i had to finish what i was doing so i could run away. i grabbed my now empty folder and put it in front of my face. i lifted my head and wiped the table again with my sleeve. i then grabbed my backpack and quickly exited the room (luckily i was right by the door), leaving my folder and papers all strewn about across the table.

there happened to be a chair and table sitting in the hallway right outside the door. i sat there and wiped my face on my sleeves and my sleeves on my pants and cried a little more from the stress of my ordeal.

theresa put my papers back in my folder and brought it out to me. she said she was sorry for offending me and whatnot. i don't deny she is nice and friendly. my problem wasn't with her at all, it was with the situation. i felt terrible.

the teacher also came out for a moment. she asked me, "do you want me to leave you alone?" i nodded, and she left.

i would have just left at that point, but there was to be a quiz at the end of class, and i didn't want to lose those points. i struggled with the decision of what to do. could i go back in, after being so embarrassed by the way i exited? i'm sure several people noticed after i spilled my papers all over and then ran out.

i sat there until i calmed a bit. i dried my face and let my sleeves dry to the point that it wasn't obvious that they were covered with snot. i then returned.

i was embarrassed and nervous, so i occupied myself by filling in the little squares on my graph paper in a checkerboard pattern until it was time for the quiz.

now... i really, really, really don't want to go back to that class.

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