wake up call

Saturday, Apr. 12, 2008 | 7:28 PM

so i had this dream today. it was a very creepy, scary dream.

there was this battle going on, between God and some sort of evil forces. the evil forces were wanting me to do these things. they were weird things that made no sense, and i hardly even remember what they were... but i was doing them, because i was afraid of this evilness. as i kept doing them though, i kept getting more and more scared.

finally, God came and made me realize what was going on. he wanted me to resist these evil forces and not do what they were telling me to do. i started praying. i was so scared, and i prayed and prayed and prayed and prayed. as i did so, they started backing down and going away.

then, in the end, i was comforted by God's presence and my freedom from the evilness.

when i later woke up, i thought back on this strange dream. i realized that this battle has actually been going on...with me and the pills and stuff. how scary is that? now is like the part where God came and made me realize what was going on. upon realizing this...i just started praying.

i feel a lot better now. i feel like i can really stop it now. i don't feel like i'm being held by this thing anymore. i feel like i'm ready now.

i kept telling myself before, i don't feel ready.

but now i am!!

this song has sorta...spoken to me lately, and now, especially today...

there is no guilt here
there is no shame
no pointing fingers
there is no blame
what happened yesterday
has disappeared
the dirt has washed away
and now it's clear

there's only grace
there's only love
there's only mercy
and believe me, it's enough
your sins are gone
without a trace
and there's nothing left now
there's only grace

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