did i forget how to be a friend?

Sunday, Feb. 03, 2008 | 4:25 AM

so, about friday. melissa had something else planned as well, so i was to go over there between 2:30 and 3, instead of closer to 1. she had said before that her bus rides to my house took 40 minutes, and i figured that's how long it would take me as well. so i left at 2.

the first bus actually arrived just i was walking up to it, so i didn't have to wait. i was surprised when that bus reached my stop in a matter of less then 10 minutes. i didn't want to arrive there too early. i decided that maybe i would just walk down the street for a while instead of getting on a bus right away, so i could take up some time, but i just got too lucky. i reached a bus stop, looked back, and saw a bus coming. i went ahead and got on.

i ended up getting off, about a block from her apartment, at 2:25. i called her, and she was still doing what it was that she was doing. so i went and sat down on a bench by her apartment for a few minutes, until she arrived. i felt kinda bad, hoping i hadn't interrupted. i guess it turned out that i went a different way than she had, which ended up being faster.

so we sat on her couch and talked. she talked about her soft fuzzy blanket, and i mentioned my blanket that i've had since i was two days old. i also told her about my ferret, frisky, being sick... which i haven't even written about here yet.

yeah, he's sick, and he could be fatally sick. i'm worried about him, and i really wanna do what needs to be done to make sure he lives...but we just don't have money right now. it sucks so bad. i love my frisky so much...i cannot lose him. he really is too young to die. that, on top of everything else right now, would just kill me. but, more on that later.

anyway. she went on myspace, and showed me a bunch of pictures of people and stuff, including her very cute niece. she also talked about a book and the guy who wrote it. his name is um... let's see... rob bell. he has a bunch of videos on youtube, and we watched some of them.

while she was showing me pictures, i was thinking to myself, gosh, it sure would be cool if i could show her some pictures. i didn't know if she'd have much interest though. i got brave, and mentioned it anyway. she said she wanted to see them, so i went to my site and looked for pages with pictures to show her. i also showed her some videos too.

hopefully she didn't get bored... because i was loving it. i mean, it was awkward for me. i didn't have a bunch of things to say about the pictures like she did with the ones that she showed me. i just sorta scrolled through and stuff. but i just loved being able to share a bit of my life and stuff. because that's what friends do, right? they share life. and i, i got tons of things to share. and as i've mentioned before... i just really wanna be...known.

joel got home while we were looking at the pictures. he asked melissa how her day was, and then she asked him how his day was, and then he asked me, "how was your day, sarah?"

at first i said, "ok." then i thought to myself, no, this day is better than ok. so i added, "better than usual," to my answer.

he went and took a shower, and i continued to go through pictures. i never did come across pictures of paris and little bobby, which was something i really wanted to show her. oh well.

i also showed her my voicemail site, and showed joel as well when he came back to the couch. i told them how people have sorta been posting prank ads with my phone number. we listened to some of them, and i had them listen to some that i thought were particularly funny. they laughed at the recordings, and i was really happy. i felt like i actually brought some bit of entertainment, as opposed to just sitting there like i usually do.

one thing that i worry about, (and for good reason) is that i am probably very boring to hang out with. who wants to hang out with someone who's not only depressing, but boring? i have to try to think of how to not be boring. hmm...any advice on that?

i also have to try to be a good friend. i know i really can be. i am the most loyal person you'll ever meet. i care a ton about my friends, and would do anything for them. they just...don't know it. i really need the friends i have, but i guess it doesn't seem that they really need me. isn't that depressing?

considering my situation, just their time and attention means the world to me. but i ask myself...what can i give back?

yeah, i overanalyze things don't i...

...................... .......................................... ............................................. .......................... ....................... .......................... ................................................... ................................ .................. ...................... .......................................... ............................................. .......................... ....................... .......................... ................................................... ................................ .................. ...................... .......................................... ............................................. .......................... ....................... .......................... ................................................... ................................ ..................