i can sleep... but i can't cry

Saturday, Sept. 08, 2007 | 11:05 PM

i think this sleeping/antidepressant pill is working pretty well... in both aspects.

things that normally would make me really depressed, just don't now. when i didn't take the pill for two days, i got really depressed. when i started taking it again, it faded. at times when i normally would be depressed, there's still something there, but it's like it's... numbed.

i suppose this is a good thing, but i'm actually not sure how much i like it. i don't know if i like being numbed. i feel like i can't really feel what i'm feeling. there's a faint sadness there, and i can't get rid of it because there's no release. i can't cry. crying really is a great release, and it actually usually does make me feel a little better. i can't get into the mindset where i contemplate and dwell on it, so i can't try to come to terms with it. it's just there... like an itch in my mind that can't be scratched.

it has been just over two weeks since i started it. i read that it can take about four weeks to kick in. so maybe after taking it longer, i won't even feel that bit of residual sadness, and therefore be less bothered by it. i don't know, we'll see.

it's also working well for the sleeping. i fall asleep fast, and when i wake up, i have no problem getting back to sleep. unlike the antihistamines, it doesn't leave me feeling like i didn't sleep well. i actually wake up feeling rested, and i feel pretty good throughout the day. it's amazing. i hadn't slept like that in years.

...................... .......................................... ............................................. .......................... ....................... .......................... ................................................... ................................ .................. ...................... .......................................... ............................................. .......................... ....................... .......................... ................................................... ................................ .................. ...................... .......................................... ............................................. .......................... ....................... .......................... ................................................... ................................ ..................