people talk to you when you have a puppy

Thursday, Jul. 19, 2007 | 8:22 PM

DARN IT!!! i was writing about youth group, and i was typing away, and i was like half done...and then the power flickers. i lost a HUGE chunk of it. that makes me SOOOO mad. oh that SUCKS SO MUCH!! why is everything so frustrating. i want to cry.

anyway, here it is...

i took bubble to youth group again. as i walked to the door, dave met me, asking, "ok, do you have a name for us?"

"bubble," i said.

he petted her and asked me some questions that i can't remember. i can always remember bits of conversation, but i can only remember whole conversations when i go home and write about it that night, or the next day. if i wait a few days, it fades. my amazing memory that people boast about only goes so far.

when i walked inside, she was petted by joel and nick. melissa came over, and she also petted her and asked about her and stuff. then this girl that i didn't know walked in. she shook my hand and said, "hi, i'm leah."

usually after a second of silence, people then ask me my name, because i usually don't offer it right away. she didn't. we just had this awkward silence until she walked away.

melissa said, "tell her your name."

i don't think she heard what melissa said, and was walking away as i said, "...sarah?"

"her name is sarah," melissa told her, "she just whispered it to you."

sigh.

abbi also showed up and petted bubble and asked me questions about her.

they had a band from a youth group in hillsboro come out and play for us. when it was time for them to start, we all went into the room with the bench like thingies. it was about five or six guys, and they were around our age i think. when they started playing, it startled bubble. they were pretty loud. she stood up straight and looked out at them. i think she wanted to run, but i held onto her tightly. she relaxed after a few minutes.

after playing a few songs, the uh, "lead" guy i guess, talked for a while. it was really hot in the room, and bubble was panting hard and felt hot. i put her next to me on the bench like thingy, and she laid down and went to sleep while he talked. i picked her up before they started playing again, because i figured it would startle her again. she handled it better this time. she just laid in my lap, panting.

when they were done, everyone else went into the kitchen, and i went into um... that room that's by the door. or whatever. it had a fan and was much cooler. joel walked by and petted bubble as he asked me, "how are you doing sarah?"

"ok."

"how's your spiritual life?"

"ok."

"how's home life?"

"ok."

"ok, well i won't ask any more, if that's all you have to say."

then he walked off.

oh but you should ask more. don't you know yet that i won't say more unless asked more? but i guess there isn't too much else to say, or too much else to ask. sigh. oh well.

then i just sat there all alone for a while. i wondered to myself why i even stayed there, if all i was gonna do is sit by myself. i contemplated leaving early, but i didn't.

my patience paid off, and jordan eventually walked in. he sat down and said to bubble, "hi fluffy." then he asked me, "what's her actual name?"

"bubble."

"i like fluffy better. she'll be bubble to you, but she'll be fluffy to me."

he then just talked to her for a minute, "you're really cute, fluffy. you really are cute, sitting there panting. that's because you're wearing a big fur coat. you got it worse than us. we don't have that."

then he asked me, "so how's home life?"

"ok."

"heave you read any books lately?"

"no."

"if i gave you some, would you read them?"

"maybe."

he then talked about some biographies of some people that i guess he thinks would be good for me to read. he said he'll bring some next time, and that i have to read them and return them. that'll be interesting. the problem is, i'm not a lot into reading. so we'll see.

after talking a bit, he got up to leave and go home. when he was at the door, he stopped and said, "i'll email you about the website, we have some ideas. is that ok?"

i nodded.

i hope he actually does email me. i've been waiting for them to tell me what they want on the website for like... probably a year or something. well maybe not that long. i don't know. but it's been a long time.

after a few minutes, tim came over. i had bubble laying on her back in my lap, which is really cute. he petted her and talked about her cuteness and asked me some questions. i don't remember what all he said, though i do remember him saying, "i wish i was that fluffy like that when i was a baby, so people wanted to pet me."

then after a moment he said, "that was a really odd statement. now you're gonna go write it in your blog tonight. oh well."

he also said of bubble, "she has a good mother... (pause) ...thing, whatever. i mean, a good human mother."

it's cute how he says things, and then rethinks them like that.

he asked me, "how big will she get?"

"about 12 inches." that's my guess anyway.

"how much will she weigh?"

"about 10 pounds." that's also just my guess.

"i wish she would get like, this big," he said as he held his hand about two feet from the floor. "do they ever get that big?"

"badly bred ones maybe."

"i like them when they're bigger, i mean, i like them small when they're puppies, but i like them to grow big. like, big enough to wrestle. well you probably don't wrestle with your animals..."

"i do with whiley," i said.

he then talked about a dog he knows that he likes to wrestle with. then he was like, "well i'm gonna go home," and off he went.

next melissa and nick came over, petting bubble and asking me questions. melissa talked about how she would like to get a dog, and she wants a small dog, but joel wants a big dog. nick asked me various bubble related questions, until him and his dad left.

melissa then went to find everyone else, which consisted of joel, leah and the band. she said, "want to come find everyone else." so i followed her.

i started walking, and then realized that i'd left my camera, and went to pick it up. by the time i reached the room that she had walked into, the one with the bench like thingies, she had disappeared. so i just stood there. the lead band guy, standing at the other end of the room, asked me, "what's your name?"

i answered him three times before he heard me. i had to walk across the room. it was impossible to get my quiet answers across the whole room. i sat down while he gathered up his band stuff and stuff. he asked me, "is that a dog, or a cat?"

"it's a pomeranian," another band guy said.

he came over and petted her and asked me a few questions about her. then he asked, "how old are you?"

"19."

"do you go to school?"

"yeah."

"what school do you go to?"

"mt. hood."

"...community college?"

i nodded.

"what are you studying?"

"computers."

"so you must be really good with them, right?"

"i don't know."

"you are, aren't you. what do you do with them? like, fix them, or build them?"

"or programming?" another band member chimed in.

"web design," i said.

the band was about to leave, and joel suggested that they pray for them before they left. they walked outside, and joel said, "you should come with us sarah. you don't have to say anything, you should just come." so i walked outside.

they didn't start right away, so i stood a little ways away from them, and set bubble down in the grass. the lead band guy came over, asking me more questions. he kneeled down and petted her, as he asked, "do you take her everywhere with you?"

"most places."

"they don't let you take her to school, do they?"

"no."

"are you off for the summer, or are you taking classes?"

i hate questions like that, where combine two in one, and i can't answer yes or no. i had to actually give him an answer more than two words. "i'm not taking classes," i said.

"you're probably just starting this fall, aren't you?"

again i had to answer with more words, "actually, i got my ged when i was 16, and i've been going since then." though i usually don't like long(er) answers, i relaxed as i was talking with him, and it wasn't so bad. this may sound weird, but there are some people, that like... are just easy to talk to. i have no idea why. they just are. like rachel, she's the opposite. she used to talk to me a lot, and was nice to me and stuff, and a few times tried to initiate conversation... but i just could not talk to her. i don't know why. it was just particularly hard. with this guy, it was particularly easy... or easier.

after telling him i got my ged, he was like, "wow, so you must be really smart, right?"

"i don't know."

people always think i'm really smart after telling them i got my ged at 16. it's really not that hard though. i don't know. maybe it's the age or something.

"so were you home schooled?" he asked.

"no, i was at public school... but i hated it."

"wow, but you stuck with it?"

"yeah, well, until i was 16."

he was still thinking i was all smart, and he asked, "so, like, how do you like, think?"

how do i think? you don't even want to know. i think like a racehorse speeding down an endless track in the future. i was like, "um..."

"i mean, do you like, solve problems really easily?"

"um, i guess."

"do you have any siblings?"

"i have some half siblings."

"oh, so your parents are divorced?"

i attempted to not have to say too much, and gave a somewhat confusing answer, "no, they had them before."

he was like, "what?"

so i elaborated, staring down at the gravel as i shoved it around with my foot. "my parents were both married to other people, and my dad had some kids, and then they both divorced, and married each other."

"oh, i get it. so your parents are both still married."

"yeah." actually, they're technically not, but there's no need to explain that whole mess. they're still together, and that's good enough.

then he asked, "so like, what do you like to do?"

"um... i like animals... and computers."

"and you like web design?"

"yeah."

"what do you want to do with that?"

"um..."

"make websites?"

"yeah."

as we finished our little conversation, he shook my hand and said, "well it was nice talking to you."

it's weird, when people shake my hand. it's like, they expect me to do the shaking, but i don't. so it's not so much a hand shake, as a hand hold... or something. it's always kinda awkward for me. he said, "i'll see you again." i was too focused on the handshake to say anything... not that i'd know what to say anyway. he was like, "no? maybe?"

i was like, "um..."

so he said, "i will see you again," then walked over to the rest of the group.

i guess i did remember that conversation pretty well. it was more interesting than the others, so it was more memorable.

they began to pray, and huddled in a little circle, with their hands all on each other's shoulders. they beckoned me in, "join us sarah."

since i was holding my dog, and had an "excuse" to not do the whole hands on shoulders thing, i slowly walked forward as the band guy i'd just talked to, and leah, parted. they stuck their hands on me, and there i was, in the little praying circle.

i stared down at everyone's feet. i could tell that they all were balancing on one another, as the circle wobbled a bit. i could feel the band guy and leah balancing on me. i was the only one balancing on my own. i felt that if i were to move, the whole circle would come tumbling down or something.

after they finished, they talked amongst each other for a few more minutes. the band guy said to some people, "i hope i'll see you again," and stuff. he turned to me and said, "i will see you again."

well i hope that's true. he was pretty cool.

after the band drove off, melissa, joel, leah and i walked inside. melissa had asked me earlier if i wanted a ride home. she didn't ask me if i needed one, but if i wanted one. that's always hard. no, i didn't need one, but i feel kinda bad saying no when asked if i want one. so i was like, "sure." they also were giving leah a ride home.

after figuring out how to turn off all the lights, we left. when we got to my house, melissa said, "thanks for coming sarah. thanks for coming bubble."

so that concludes my entry about last week's youth group. i sure am glad i got bubble. i am way less ignored when i have her with me. i admit...that is actually kinda the main reason i wanted her. it's kinda sad, isn't it? oh well. at least it appears to be working.

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