i don't know what to do

Wednesday, Apr. 02, 2008 | 4:23 AM

a subtle feeling of discontentment rests on me tonight. something feels wrong, but of all the things that are wrong, i don't know which one is haunting me now. it's out of reach from my conscious mind. it's unsettling.

it's a puzzle peice missing. it's a plane with nowhere to land. it's the spot on the ground that not one single raindrop hits during a rainstorm.

so many things trouble me. i know people want to see me happy, and i wish i could at least give them that. maybe that's why i fill my room with balloons, and buy 100 bouncy balls on ebay, and bring home little baby animals...

oh, i need to escape my mind. i need to escape my mind! i need to stop my mind from torturing me, and calm it enough to make sleep possible. but i scare myself. i don't want to wake up in the emergency room. i don't want to hurt anyone. i don't want to risk my life as if it's not valuable, and i especially don't want to lose it in the most undignified act of stupidity. i had no idea of what a struggle this would become...

i'm so scared. please God, do something about this.

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