depression

Monday, Jul. 19, 2010 | 8:39 PM

life is kinda back to how it was before i met david. i am depressed all the time. i randomly start crying at times throughout the day. there are things that i want to do, but i have no motivation. i am just waiting for time to pass me by. it moves so slowly.

the stomach aches, the sinking feeling, the random pains... they are all physical symptoms. i have no energy. i feel like a blob on the couch. the sick feeling in my stomach prevents from eating until i am extremely hungry. then i go and eat a whole bunch.

i stay up late at night, trying to think of thoughts that will make me feel better. but instead, my mind is tortured by thoughts that stress me out and make me more crazy. i try to sleep as late into the day as i can. i don't want to wake up and deal with my mind chatter.

unable to quiet my thoughts, i fear that i will go more insane. maybe past the point of no return. the atmosphere here is full of anger, rage, tension and fear. i feel hopeless at the thought of no escape.

as a matter of protection, it seems that it is time to withdraw back into myself again. i have to numb my emotions as much as possible to try to stop them from hurting me.

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