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i am awake at 7:50 am

Tuesday, Feb. 24, 2009 | 7:50 AM

he was a very sweet guy, and still is. you can tell because of the things he has written on his myspace, and how every picture includes her or her child.

he hurt me so much.

that was about two and a half years ago. apparently he can still make me cry.

...

now david has come along. he took me on adventures and drew me out of my little world and showed me things i'd never seen before and shared new experiences with me. all these things i'd been longing for, he gave them to me. i finally felt like i was actually alive instead of just existing.

i try to pay him back with gifts and drawings and little paper hearts, but i'm pretty sure that all he really wants is just me.

life is less exciting than last summer was, since he started going to school, but we still go on adventures sometimes.

this last weekend his parents, who sadly still have an absurd amount of control over him, didn't want him to come here nor me to go there. so he snuck here on his motorcycle, coming directly from school.

late that night, my dad was in bed so he couldn't give us a ride, and david didn't have his parents van like usual, so i finally agreed to take a ride on his motorcyle. around 2 am we quietly exited the house and rolled the motorcycle to the end of the street so my parents wouldn't hear it turn on. i then hopped on and we drove to winco. it was a short drive and we took side streets, but it was still sneaky and illegal (because of my lack of helmet.) this made it very exciting. i felt like i was running away or something, which is something i've always dreamed of doing.

the ride itself was also quite fun.

but tonight i am sitting alone in my room feeling depressed. i have spent the last month tapering off of celexa, because it is an ssri and ssri's suck.

of course one of the withdrawal symptoms is depression.

i'm having one of those nights (or now morning) when i just can't get myself to go to bed. i am feeling very sad and i feel like i need david.

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