still at david's house, part 2

Wednesday, Oct. 29, 2008 | 5:11 PM

this relationship with david has been teaching me a lot about love. not just that nice, warm and fuzzy love that everyone, well, loves... but the real kind of love that isn't always fun and doesn't always feel good.

denying one's self is an important part of placing another's needs higher, which is an important part of real love. (obviously one shouldn't always deny themself...it depends on circumstance and balance.)

denying myself is something i'm not good at, but i've been getting lots of practice. i'm sitting here thinking, i can do it, i can do it, i can do it, i can do it...

what i'd really like to do is crawl into his arms and ramble on for a while about how i'm feeling. how i feel like i'm mostly in the way and being distracting, but don't want to feel like i shouldn't have come here.

i just wanted to not have to miss him, and for him to not have to miss me... and i was feeling pretty insecure after some stupid dream i'd had while he was at my house. this is one reason why i wanted to come here.

i also wanted to get a better glimpse into his life.

maybe my biggest fear is that he regrets having me come over here, or that he thinks i do, or something.

i love being with him, no matter what the circumstance.

time is running out before my dad comes and picks me up, and i want things to end on a happy note... for both of us.

maybe that comes from my deep rooted fear of abandonment or something. i feel like i need to be associated with good,happy things, to make him still want to be with me or something. i want him to want to be with me, and not feel like decideding to spend more time with me was a bad idea.

i don't want my shaky little world to be threatened by the possibility of it all crashing down around me... again.

...................... .......................................... ............................................. .......................... ....................... .......................... ................................................... ................................ .................. ...................... .......................................... ............................................. .......................... ....................... .......................... ................................................... ................................ .................. ...................... .......................................... ............................................. .......................... ....................... .......................... ................................................... ................................ ..................