phone anxiety

Saturday, May. 10, 2008 | 6:22 AM

i think i'll try to share with you what it's like with me and phones.

i needed to call melissa today (friday) about her graduation, which is happening today (saturday.) i first called sometime around 6 i think.

i went out to the room that we're constructing on the back deck, so there would be no disturbances, background noises, or my dad listening. i sat down and prepared myself. anxiety built up inside of me. my heart pounded and my stomach tied itself in knots. i stared at the phone in my hands.

i did some slow, deep breathing to try to relax, and i went over in my head what i wanted to say. i then found her name in my phone and hit the "call" button before i could think about it too long.

it rang.

she never answered, and it went to her voicemail, where i didn't leave a message.

relief.

this really is how it is when i need to call people other than my parents or tara.

i was hoping that she would see that i called and call me back, so i wouldn't have to brave the calling again. but later that evening, around 9 pm, i realized that i had to call again. i didn't know that she was all busy...i figured she was probably gonna be going to bed soon. so back out to the deck i went.

i called her, no answer. i called joel, no answer. this time i had to call her again and leave a message. oh how i dread leaving messages! again, i ran my words through my head and tried to fight the nerves that wanted to hold me back. i oh so bravely called and left a message. it was quite an accomplishment.

i figured i'd get a call in the morning, but much to my surprise, she called at 3:30 am. and probably much to her surprise, my mom (who was still awake) answered. she laughed a bit as she told me, "i thought you would answer."

i felt a bit more bold, just because she called during the time of day that is my territory. i was still nervous as usual though, and i had some trouble hearing for some reason, which always adds to the nervousness of talking on the phone. her somewhat giggly tone of voice eased me up a bit though. tone of voice usually plays big part of how comfortable i am when talking.

so i shook off the nervousness from that, and i now await another call from her...which will probably be in a just a few hours now.

...

and that, my friends, is what it's like when you have... phone anxiety.

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