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false escape

Wednesday, Mar. 12, 2008 | 3:34 AM

i have been having dreams that include people i know, every day, for a while now. i mean, not a long while. a short while. it's been youth group people and sometimes tara too. i think it might be a way that my brain is trying to cope.

the only time that i'm like, really around people is when i go to youth group. yeah, i go to the barn, and there's other people there... but all we do is walk by each other. people don't even say hello to me anymore...i think they've realized that i'm so shy and stuff. i haven't been going to stores very much at all lately, but even then it's basically the same thing. so besides my parents here...youth group is basically it. and youth group has been depressing lately.

i hesitate to ask melissa to hang out, because i guess she's getting stressed about school and stuff again... so i feel like she probably doesn't have time for me, and i don't wanna bother her. i might cave in though.

i guess bryce is kinda unable to talk to me now...and of course tara's at stanford.

so i think these dreams are a subconscious way of trying to cope with the loneliness or whatever. they are vivid and memorable, even though i haven't been taking a lot of melatonin. i wake up in sort of a subtle feeling of depravity, like... oh, they're gone.

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