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why oh why oh why can't i be a normal person?

Friday, Dec. 14, 2007 | 3:31 AM

i feel like people don't really listen to me, because i'm so... the way i am. i've always felt like that. i've felt like my parents don't really listen sometimes... especially my dad. i could say this about some others i know right now...but i won't.

one time in class, i sat at the computer waiting for the teacher to come over to me, so i could tell him that something wasn't working. he finally came around, and said, "how are you doing?"

"it's not working," i said.

he looked at my screen.

he said, "good, good." then walked away.

obviously he didn't hear what i'd said, but i can't imagine he didn't realize that i said something. that left me feeling really bad.

today (thursday), i went to the doctor instead of school. i had the most horrible sore throat. i tried all day to alleviate my pain. i drank cold things, i ate popsicles, i tried cough drops but they were worthless. i was miserable. finally, when my dad got off work, i went to the doctor. i went in and talked to the doctor all by myself, for the second time.

and for the second time, i felt like the doctor didn't really listen to me.

i asked her for something for the pain, she prescribed vicodin... six pills.

six pills. that's a joke. we spent a hundred dollars for six pills. the bottle says to take 1 to 2 every 4 to 6 hours. they could potentially be used up in a matter of 12 hours.

i felt like she thought i was just there to get drugs. i mean, yes, i was...but i really wanted them for a genuine reason. i felt like she didn't take me seriously, from my short, quiet, shy replies. so she prescribed me just six pills.

i was really hoping that one would last for a long time... but it doesn't. it lasted about three hours.

it still hurts so bad, but i don't want to use all my pills up in like one day. so i still suffer... because i suck so much.

i hate being me. i hate being me. i hate being me.

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