support

Saturday, Nov. 17, 2007 | 11:28 PM

i had just gotten out of the shower. each of my dogs were in their little kennels, waiting for me to let them out and feed them. i walked into my room, stuck my clothes and towel into their designated spot, and put some socks on. i sat down for a moment and put my head down on my desk. i was tired. my cats walked along my desk, rubbing themselves against me, wanting my attention.

i turned to get up and brush my hair, and my eyes stopped to a spot on the floor. i hairball. a big, stinky hairball. i stepped over it and started to brush my hair, when i suddenly heard my parents come in. they were back from the store. i went out into the kitchen and watched them unpack bags while carrying on short arguments about pointless little things.

i was really hungry. i waited as my dad made some french toast. he said it wouldn't take long, so i left the dogs in their kennels still. they began whining and barking.

i have a routine the i like to follow every night. bubble stays in her kennel while i'm in the shower. when i get out, i take her outside. then i feed her, and then i take her outside again. after that, i bring the ferrets in for playtime. i couldn't start this until i cleaned up the hairball and its surrounding goo, because i didn't want bubble to trample in it.

when i was done eating, i went to clean up this offending hairball. but then i noticed that my internet had gone out, for the second time, and disconnected me from the chat room that i had been connected to. i reset my modem as i tried to turn on my laptop, so i would have wireless backup. i didn't want to lose my half a chance of being able to talk with a friend. i began to cry as pushing the "on" button resulted in nothing.

i finally gave up, as the whining from the dogs became more anxious. my littlest cat ran around my room, finding things that i didn't want her to play with. i kept taking them away from her while i cleaned the hairball.

the pressure built up. the dogs were whining, the ferrets were waiting, and all i could think about was what i wanted to talk about.

i realized something this night as this stuff occurred. i'm living like a single mother with twelve children and a full time job. but... i'm just a kid. yeah, a kid. i'm a 19 year old kid.

i'm an emotional, sensitive, confused, hormone filled girl... and i need support. a LOT of it. i need to be able to rest from the stress that builds up. i need to be able to breakdown and cry about the same thing over and over and over... and over and over again. i need to be able to blurt out whatever's on my mind. i need to be able to unload the day's worries and stressors before taking on tomorrow's. i need to be able to complain about feeling lousy. i need to be able to complain about cramps that feel like i've been kicked in the gut 25 times by a football player.

i need encouragement. i need tons of encouragement, and a lot of the time, that means i need to hear the same thing over and over again.

i need hugs. i need a shoulder.

i just need support.

you know what else i need? someone else to give that exact same support back to.

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