life sucks but God is good

Sunday, Nov. 04, 2007 | 4:53 AM

oh, it gets so bad. my mind, my mind... oh, my mind! stop it brain, stop it! stop it... please stop it.

God, help me. make it stop. take all of this away. why do you leave me here alone on this broken planet? you give and take away. why do you take away things that i need most? what good is there in this? it hurts so bad, God, it's so intense that no one could understand. i am dying more and more every day. i backslide to my sixteen year old self, crying in bed and holding a blade to myself. i don't wanna go there again, God, you have to help me, you have to do something.

i question you, but my words held up against yours break apart and fall into dust. i beg you, listen to me. do you hear the agony in my words, my thoughts? do you feel the pain? you have to do something. i don't know what. i know what i'd like you to do, but whatever you have planned, it's what's best. you tell me love me, you tell me that you're working for my good... but you never said i was entitled to a happy and content life. you promise freedom from sin, not from depression. am i just a sacrifice? just one made to suffer?

you are the only thing i have to cling to. you are the only thing that's good. i surrender. though you slay me, yet i will trust you...yet i will praise you. i will wait here at your feet until my spirit is broken. i will wait here in tears until you move me. if you leave me here, i will still tell of how wonderful you are. you are good...that's all that matters.

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