i don't want to turn 20

Thursday, Oct. 25, 2007 | 3:03 AM

i don't want to live to see the sunrise. i don't know how i'll survive tonight. or any following night at this rate. either i'm gonna off myself or go completely insane. i think i already have gone insane. i wanna end this tonight. i wanna be in heaven tonight.

but i am too weak. oh why am i so weak. why does it have to be so hard? what seperates me from those who've done it before? fear, stupid fear...of course. it stops me from living, it stops me from dying. oh God, why don't you just take me?

why do you give me something great to lean on, just to pull it out from under me when i have nothing else to fall back on? i don't understand it. how many times will you land me here? i cannot go on like this.

i can't talk to anyone about thoughts like this. they have no idea how to respond. how does one respond? i don't know. i'm not seeking some amazing answer. i'm not seeking a perfect solution. i'm not seeking advice. but i think that's what people feel they have to give.

so what do i do? cries for help are utterly pointless. people just don't take it seriously. i don't want to be labeled attention seeker. i don't want pills...THAT'S NOT THE ANSWER!!!!!!!!!!!!! i just need to end this misery.

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