i didn't want bj to go back to his seat

Tuesday, Sept. 25, 2007 | 1:39 PM

i had a series of dreams last night, which included tara, and kids from school... middle school in particular, i think. the last one was interesting...

tara and i were in a class together, but unfortuntately she didn't sit by me. she was one row up, and a few seats to the right. we still tried to interact though.

for some reason, by the time class started and we were supposed to be in our seats, i had her lunch with me. she wanted me to toss it to her, so i tossed a few things out of the bag. then she wanted some sort of meat that was in there. i didn't want to throw that, so i wrote a note and aimed it at her so she could read it, "i'm not flinging meat across the room." we giggled.

now this is a weird part...

in this dream was also a guy named chase, who (in real life) really had some sort of crush on me i think...almost in a creepy way. he sat right next to me, in this dream classroom. the teacher was talking, and i guess he used me in an example. he said something about liking one person over another. chase, upset that i always ignored him and paid attention to tara, said something, but i'm not sure what. then tara said something. then they went back and forth a few times.

chase said, "how would you like it if she liked me over you?"

then tara said, "i wouldn't worry. she loves everyone, because she's nice, and happy (happy??), and has a great relationship with God. and this may sound weird, but i dream about her every night, i dream that she sells me hotdogs."

that was definitely an odd things to say. i can imagine what the rest of the class was thinking at this point. assuming they were thinking it all...considering they were just, you know...in my mind.

anyway, for some reason, i then had a hotdog. she wanted it, and i was just giving it to her, but as she reached for it, i said, "that'll be a dollar fifty." we giggled again. she got out the money, but i didn't take it.

this is where i woke up.

...

as bizarre as it was, the dream brought back memories of when tara and i were in class together. that was the best part of school, for sure. we would write notes back and forth, but before passing them, we liked to crumple the paper into a little ball. by the time we were done, we had this soft, flimsy paper. for some reason we enjoyed that.

in sixth grade, we liked taking a pen, jamming it into a another pen cap that it didn't belong in, and then asking other people to take it off, which was nearly impossible. of course she did the asking. for some reason we found it funny to watch people struggle to take a cap off of a pen. one time, we asked this guy named jason. he was kinda big, and strong looking. he called us weaklings. then he took the pen, and struggled without success to get the cap off. we loved it.

in middle school, we started taking a bouncy ball to school, and playing with it on the playground...or wherever we could. soon after, other people started doing the same. we actually ended up starting a sort of a trend, which was pretty good, considering we were on the low end of the popularity scale. we were proud of ourselves. it went on for a long time, and we were the ones that started it.

the dream also brought back memories of this chase guy...

ever since i met him in grade school, until i left high school, he always like... i don't know. he was always friendly with me, which was fine. when my mom worked at fred meyer, he always went through her line and asked about me. that was ok. when i left high school, he asked her what happened to me. that was understandable.

but every time we were in class together...he always like...looked at me. over and over again. i remember one particular class in middle school. because of unfortunate last name alphabetization, i sat in the very back, and he sat right in front of me. he was rather large, and by "large," i mean he needed to lay off on the donuts. i couldn't see the teacher at the front of the class, or much of anything, because i couldn't see around him. i hated it.

this was just unfortunate and neither of us could control it, but then he was always looking back at me. i would sit there and watch, as he would turn his head as far to the side as he could without turning around. i'd see him look back out of the very corner of his eye. every class time, there were a few times or so when he actually would look all the way back, just for a quick second, and then turn forward again. this really bothered me.

one time, the class played some sort of game, where our rows kept switching seats. i didn't switch, though, i just stayed in the back, and the teacher let me. this one guy named bj, who normally sat in front of chase, ended up right in front of me at some point. he began to talk to me. it was very rare that people talked to me normally, in a non teasing manner. when they did, i enjoyed this attention very much. as he talked to me all nice like, he gave me this amazingly cute smile, that i couldn't help but smile back to. smiling was rare for me.

i was loving this. he also didn't move after that point, ignoring the game and talking to me. then stupid chase came back to his seat. bj told him to just sit in front of him, but he refused. he made bj go back to his seat. sigh.

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