i did it

Wednesday, Sept. 05, 2007 | 4:36 PM

i broke that bottle yesterday. of course i recorded it. (i know, it's a silly video... but whatever.)

i didn't want to just break it, i wanted to smash into little pieces. i never get the opportunity to smash things into little pieces, so i wanted to take advantage of this.

i was afraid that i might get hit with glass in the initial break, so i started out by throwing a cinderblock at it from a distance. i'm pretty sure that the only good usage of a cinderblock is to throw it at things. after deciding it was safe, i took a hammer to it. i then finished off by jumping on it a few times.

i also was afraid that glass might fly into my eyes, especially while smashing it with the hammer. i didn't have any sort of goggles, but i did have this hands free magnifying glass thing that my dad uses. it straps to your head, and the glass covers your eyes. so as i was pounding the glass, it all looked big. it was a good thing that i used them, because a piece did fly right towards my eyes, and bounced off of them.

to make it more convincing that the breaking was an accident, i broke another thing from the fridge as well... a little bottle of hot sauce. the smell of the hot sauce mixed with the smell of alcohol was definitely not a good smell.

cleaning it up sucked. i wasn't thinking, and as i sat among the powdery glass dust, i rested my hand on the ground and leaned on it. soon after, my hand began itching. then it began to hurt every time i pressed it against something. i'd went and gotten glass dust all stuck in my hand. i could see a few little red dots, but couldn't see the glass. i dealt with it for a few hours, until i closely inspected my hand and pulled out what i could see, and used duct tape to pull out what i couldn't see. i think it worked pretty well.

i was really nervous about the part where i had to lie. i suck so bad at lying, and was still a little afraid that it might sound suspicious. i told my dad as soon as he and my mom got home. i wanted to mention it before they opened the fridge, otherwise they might notice it and wonder. i didn't want to give them a chance to let their minds wander to the idea that i'd taken it. i couldn't make eye contact as i told him, but otherwise, i don't think i did too bad, considering how much i suck.

i was gonna say something like, "i had the door open, and the dogs were running around like crazy, and they ran into the door, and they fell out and broke." i never actually got to finish though. it went something like this...

"two things in the fridge broke."

"what?"

"i had the door open, and the dogs were..."

"those bottles down there?"

"one of those bottles, and your little bottle of hot sauce. i had the door open, and the dogs were running around..."

"they fell out?"

"yeah."

"and they actually broke?"

"yeah."

"that's strange."

"well the dogs were running around..."

my mom interrupted by shouting from her room, "what? what broke?"

"nothing," my dad said, "it's no big deal."

"the dogs were..."

"did you clean it up?"

"yeah."

then he walked away.

i also turned and walked away, just as the smile crept onto my face. the guilty, "i'm lying to you" smile that i get when i try to lie. it was hard to keep that under control while i spoke.

whether he was convinced or not, another word was never said about it. so... that's good.

...................... .......................................... ............................................. .......................... ....................... .......................... ................................................... ................................ .................. ...................... .......................................... ............................................. .......................... ....................... .......................... ................................................... ................................ .................. ...................... .......................................... ............................................. .......................... ....................... .......................... ................................................... ................................ ..................