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save the internet!


i did it

Thursday, Aug. 16, 2007 | 8:05 PM

i really don't know what's going on with me. i don't even feel like me. i am just filled with guilt. i'm not myself. it's like... it's not me that's doing this. this isn't me. it's not sarah.

i did something really stupid yesterday, but i don't want to say yet what it is. i did involve the pills, though. last night was scary. i woke up in the middle of the "night," with my hand falling asleep. it was weird. i wasn't sleeping on it in any strange way, and it wasn't like, completely "asleep," i could just tell that the circulation wasn't very good. my arm felt slightly cold, compared to my other one.

i thought it was from combining all the the sedating, heart slowing things. maybe it was because i was half asleep, but it really scared me. i couldn't even feel my heartbeat. i tried to make my arm feel better, but i couldn't. eventually i fell back asleep, after writing this in my notebook.

so even though i really didn't want to... today i finally did it. it wasn't the most environmentally great thing to do, but oh well. it was a little freeing.

enjoy it, sewer rats... or whatever's down there.

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